I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to make out with him forever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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