2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
