i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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