my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
