I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
