If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
