Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
