Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Someone shattered a urinal.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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