what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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