apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
