Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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