I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
