i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
