Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
