Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
