Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In other news, I just burned my penis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
