I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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