Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
