the wall and i were having dominance issues.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
