it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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