I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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