and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
