and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
