i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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