i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
