If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
