I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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