Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
