By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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