I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
