We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
