Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
too bad you live with your parents still
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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