batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
