You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I AM VODKA MAN
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
