Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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