so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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