i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
