I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
