Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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