I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
