I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
