headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
