Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
