Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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