so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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