Pappa wants mamma naked
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
