how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
