why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will be naked everywhere
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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