My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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