The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
