I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
